April 2026 Edition
Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery Newsletter
Welcome to the April 2026 edition of the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery Newsletter. Each month I provide you, the lottery members, with an update on winners, money raised, and any other relevant news.
Thank you for your continued support of the parish.
Full steam ahead
Yet again you have set a new record for the highest number of entries sold in a month, bringing us up to an unprecedented total of 413! I wish to particularly thank the new member joining last month who took out 3 new entries. Welcome aboard to him, and to thank you also to all you other hands on deck, who have helped keep us shipshape and Bristol fashion for so long.
Far side of the boon
There were four lucky £100 winners in the draw for March - Julia Rae, Beth Reilly, Ann McVey, and Martin Gault.
Many congratulations to them.
Fuel's gold
You'll be able to afford almost a full tank of petrol or diesel if you scoop one of the four £100 prizes up for grabs in the April draw which will take place during the first week of May.
All payments to be received on or before the 30th of April please.
Paid stunner
There were 413 paid entries in March.
The monthly profit for the parish after prizes was £1,665.
The lottery has raised a total of £4,945 in 2026.
The projected total profit for 2026 is currently £19,330.
Thank you to all members.
Coming up Trumps
It is an absolutely dumbfounding statistic that since our post-Covid reboot you have set a new record for sales in 39 out of 51 months - with this month being merely the latest occasion. Your combined generosity is nothing short of completely astonishing. Last month I transferred another £22,000 from the lottery reserves to the parish, the latest instalment of more than £63,000 raised by you since January 2022.
On behalf of Father Dan, the pastoral council, and myself, thank you all very much indeed.
Who's that guy?
Christopher McLaughlin is a Saint Joseph's parishioner, 90s Britpop survivor, apprentice Finn, recovering eBay addict, veteran young fogie, and trainee curmudgeon. He still runs the parish lottery, the parish eBulletin and website, and writes this newsletter. This seems likely to persist absent the arrival of someone competent. He is still occasionally accused of comedy, but these days is generally found not proven. He attends the 10:15am Mass on Sundays and is always happy to talk about the lottery; but be warned – his inner monologue escaped some years ago and now lives on the outside permanently.
Contact Information
If you have any questions, or require any help concerning the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery please contact me, Chris McLaughlin, by email at lottery@stjosephclarkston.com or by telephone, SMS, or WhatsApp on +447957644546. The lottery page on the parish website has information on how the club works, and full instructions on how to join.