We lost a few members in January, and we didn't put on any new ones, so we are down by four entries from last month to 406. This is actually perfectly normal for this time of year as many members' renewals fall due after the Christmas super draw. Nevertheless this is still our second-best month for sales ever, and is yet another testimony to your incredible loyalty and generosity.

There were four lucky £100 winners in the draw for January — Michael Currie, Lorna McEwan, Maureen Harcombe, and Jane O'Connor.

Many congratulations to them.

I've also been informed that we apparently received $75,000 a few years ago — news to me, since I can't even remember where I left my keys this morning. You know what it's like, I'm sure you misplace the odd house purchase deposit too.

In light of this revelation, I am launching a full and extremely thorough investigation to ensure that all relevant lessons are learned. (Ideally before any law-enforcement agencies get involved.)

You'll be able to toast the patron of the Emerald Isle with the finest spirit if you're one of the four lucky £100 prize-winners in the February draw which will take place during the first week of March.

All payments to be received on or before the 28th of February please.

Forget the supermarket roses that wilt before you've even left the car park. Forget the heart-shaped chocolates that taste faintly of disappointment. This year, give your other half something truly unforgettable: a Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery gift entry — the romantic gesture that whispers, 'My love is deep, but my budget is shallow.'

It's a tiny trinket of affection glistening with promise and hope. Will it transform into £100? Unlikely. But for one delicious moment, your beloved will picture ditching Easter in Saltcoats and treating themselves to a Ryanair getaway instead.

It's the only Valentine's gift that offers suspense, anticipation, and the distant whiff of emotional chaos — just like dating.

There were 406 paid entries in January.

The monthly profit for the parish after prizes was £1,630.

The lottery raised a total of £1,630 in 2026.

The projected total profit for 2026 is currently £18,960.

Thank you to all members.

The sheer volume of entries this month has been nothing short of remarkable, even by your already impressive standards. Keeping up that level of enthusiasm for parish life shows just how boundless your generosity and commitment truly are, and it's a joy to witness.

On behalf of Father Dan, the pastoral council, and myself, thank you all very much indeed.

(Maybe I'll quit with the unfunny thank-you memes one day — stranger things have happened.)