March 2026 Edition
Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery Newsletter
Welcome to the March 2026 edition of the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery Newsletter. Each month I provide you, the lottery members, with an update on winners, money raised, and any other relevant news.
Thank you for your continued support of the parish.
The sky's the limit
February was another absolutely incredible month, with two new entries being taken and contributing to an all-time record-equalling total of 410 entries. It is an absolutely astonishing fact that we have now sold a record number of entries in 12 out of the past 14 months.
Thank you very much indeed to all of you have have recently joined and taken the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery to unprecedented success, and also to those of you who have been so steadfast for much longer.
You got lucky
There were four lucky £100 winners in the draw for February - Peter McCourt, Janice Hughes, Gavin Connor, and Claire Catena.
Many congratulations to them.
At His Majesty's pleasure
You'll be able to take the edge off any unexpected legal bills if you're one of the four lucky £100 prizewinners in the March draw which will take place during the first week of April.
All payments to be received on or before the 31st of March please.
Choc it up to experience
Buying someone a chocolate Easter egg is fine - if your ambition is to give them 20 minutes of joy followed by 40 minutes of regret and a lifelong feud with their bathroom scales. But gifting them an entry to the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery? That's practically a spiritual upgrade. It says, 'I believe in miracles…and also in your ability to handle sudden wealth responsibly.'
A chocolate egg melts, gets eaten, or is forgotten behind a cushion until July. A lottery entry, however, contains hope, anticipation, and the faint possibility of never having to pretend to enjoy fundraising raffles again.
Because really, what says 'Happy Easter' more than the faint possibility of a £100 windfall and the smug glow of supporting the parish building fund?
Pay many things
There were 410 paid entries in February.
The monthly profit for the parish after prizes was £1,650.
The lottery has raised a total of £3,280 in 2026.
The projected total profit for 2026 is currently £19,180.
Thank you to all members.
Shady business
Your incredible generosity has continued unrelentingly month after month for years now. You are making an extraordinary difference to the parish finances to the point of being completely transformational.
On behalf of Father Dan, the pastoral council, and myself, thank you all very much indeed.
Who's that guy?
Christopher McLaughlin is a Saint Joseph's parishioner, 90s Britpop survivor, apprentice Finn, recovering eBay addict, veteran young fogie, and trainee curmudgeon. He still runs the parish lottery, the parish eBulletin and website, and writes this newsletter. This seems likely to persist absent the arrival of someone competent. He is still occasionally accused of comedy, but these days is generally found not proven. He attends the 10:15am Mass on Sundays and is always happy to talk about the lottery; but be warned – his inner monologue escaped some years ago and now lives on the outside permanently.
Contact Information
If you have any questions, or require any help concerning the Saint Joseph's Parish Lottery please contact me, Chris McLaughlin, by email at lottery@stjosephclarkston.com or by telephone, SMS, or WhatsApp on +447957644546. The lottery page on the parish website has information on how the club works, and full instructions on how to join.